With or Without Bliss
by myfreezedriedlove
Summary: Bliss seems to have gotten it all... and forgotten about Pash. Pash's POV. Pash/Bliss.
1. The Moment It All Changed

**Rated M for (future) mild sexual references and mild coarse language. Femslash.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. This is only my interpretation of Pash's story.**

_Pash smiled as Bliss slid into the seat beside her. "Here", she said trying to casually place the money into her best friend's bag. She had watched her best friend deal with those Neanderthals during her shift at the Oink Joint, and once again, had watched Bliss get screwed over when it came to receiving a tip. _She's just too nice sometimes_, Pash thought. _I wish I had been able to give that scum in the diner a piece of my mind_. However, Pash needed her job, and didn't want Birdman to chastise her again for "inappropriate phraseology" when dealing with disrespectful customers. Furthermore, she enjoyed working with Bliss, sometimes finding a secretive smile or knowing look the only thing that would get her through a shift. She didn't want to lose that. And thus, sharing her tips with Bliss was her way of trying to make it up to her, despite the fact that she needed to save all her money for going to college. However, Bliss had protested, which somehow ended up in a flyer advertising roller derby being produced. And the rest, they say, was history._

Pash scrutinized her thoughts trying to remember when it had all started. As far as could remember, she had always considered her attachment to Bliss strongly platonic. Most girls were fiercely protective of their best friends, weren't they? And they constantly thought about them, wanting to spend every moment with them? Didn't they?

Pash lay on her bed; the curtain's closed so the muted light matched her equally muted mood. She breathed out, defeat filling the deflated air around her. Her slender hand grimly rumpled her dark curls as she stared at the ceiling above her. Her eyes scanned the ceiling looking for cracks and patterns; anything to distract her from the thoughts she was unfortunately experiencing. "Useless" she mumbled, unable to think of anything other than the way Bliss' eyes lit up when she smiled, "absolutely useless".

Maybe it was the night of the party? Pash was suddenly consumed with the memory of Bliss' hands gently cradling Pash's head as she threw up in the toilet. _Ugh_, Pash shuddered at the memory, _why did I drink so much? _ _And why did I make out with that guy... he wasn't even that attractive._ The answer she realized was, of course, her feelings for Bliss. Or rather, her denial of her feelings which had caused her to drink enough to allow her to mash her lips against the first semi-decent guy that started conversing with her. When she had told Bliss she had been searching for her; her words had cut a little too close to the truth. Bliss had been filtering through her thoughts the entire time she had made out with that pink-haired guy.

What she found most distracting was the way they had lain in bed together after the party. Alcohol had still coursed through her veins, leaving everything in a pleasant fog. As soon a Bliss had slipped into the queen-sized bed, Pash had immediately snuggled close to her. Bliss' warmth had tingled against Pash's cold skin, and she had maladroitly smiled with Bliss' calming scent filling her still sensitive nose. Vanilla and honey. Sneakily, she had slid her hand onto Bliss' thigh, acting on pure instinct that urged her closer to her friend. However Bliss had paid little attention to Pash, rambling on about that _boy_, to which Pash had little interest in hearing about nor discussing, and thus had dejectedly removed her hand so it lay still between their two bodies.

_That was the moment_, Pash decided. It had been building for a while before that, but that was the moment when she first became aware of the effect that Bliss had on her, the way she longed to be closer to her, wanted to caress her face, and wrap her legs around her.

That was the moment things changed for Pash.

Exhausted, Pash closed her weary eyes and willed her body to fall asleep, until at last, it did.


	2. A Warbler on Linoleum

"Bodeen, Bodeen, Bodeen, Bo-deean, someone get me out of here Bodeen." Bliss was singing to the Dolly Parton song whilst shuffling towards Pash and wriggling her shoulders suggestively. Pash's eyes locked onto her friend's and immediately abandoned the magazine she had been reading and grabbed Bliss' hand. She marveled at the softness between her fingers and the way that Bliss had smiled at her as she twirled the brunette around, Bliss' pink apron only adding to the ambiance of the situation.

Pash warbled out some lyrics of her own as they continued to dance, "it's depressing in the sticks, I'm all over these racist hicks..."

Bliss finished for her, "and I'm jonesing for an Austin fix." Pash murmured approval as she effortlessly slid her hand around the brunette's waist, feeling the thud of her heart as her hand tenderly moved across Bliss' back. Bliss smiled at her but Pash was unable to return the smile, focused as she was on calming her heart beat whilst simultaneously keeping her feet moving. _This is fun_, she thought, _don't let your feelings screw this up, okay?_ And then, just as Bliss dipped Pash down with a flourish, one hand supporting her weight at her back, while the over hovered devastatingly close to Pash's breast; she dropped her.

"Hunh", Pash unceremoniously hit the ground of the diner while Bliss' attention was already fixated on the door. "It's him", Bliss spoke breathlessly, not even noticing that she had just dropped her best friend onto the cold, linoleum floor. _Seriously?_ Pash thought as she gingerly moved her neck from her position on the ground, _she dropped me for him?!_ Instead of voicing these thoughts, she sarcastically suggested that Bliss, "go ask him if he wants a 'squealer'". Surely there could not be anything less attractive than that, she reasoned.

Tentatively, Pash grabbed the edge of the bench and hoisted herself up as she watched her best friend walk towards the boy standing in the parking lot outside. She narrowed her eyes as she analyzed how close they were standing, the hand gestures they were making and the way he smiled at her. Oliver. Ugh. She had never liked that name, and now just thinking it left a bad taste in her mouth. She mindlessly rubbed her bruised shoulder as she watched the interaction, frustrated she couldn't hear what was going on. Although somewhat aware Birdman was watching her, Pash's attention was fixated outside until she saw Bliss start to walk back, to which she casually lent back on the bench and pretended she was interested in a spot on the opposite wall. When Bliss left, Pash gave a half-hearted shrug, choosing apathy as preferable to allowing Bliss to see how hurt she really was; emotionally, more so than physically.

When the door's bell had stopped echoing, and the tires of the boy's car could no longer be heard, Pash looked up to see Birdman offer her a sympathetic smile. She pretended she hadn't seen it, instead sliding off the bench and going through the motions of doing her job, and absolutely, definitely _not _thinking about Bliss.


	3. A Fire and Slippered Feet

Pash shoved her course work away, placing her hands against the edge of her desk and leaning back. She didn't want to deal with studying for the SATs. She didn't want to deal with her parents reminding her about the importance of a good education and getting into university. She didn't want to deal with her little brother asking if she would throw tennis balls for him and refer to him as "Scout" again. And she most certainly did _not_ want to deal with Bliss.

Not that she should consider that a concern. It had been three days since she had last glimpsed her in the hallway, four days since Bliss had tried to apologise and five days since they had had an actual conversation. Five days since Pash was arrested and thrown into a jail cell in Austen. Humiliated and horrified, she had been forced to call her parents to come bail her out.

It had been awful. Alone and scared, Pash had felt completely abandoned by Bliss. Bliss had wandered off in search of Oliver, and never came back. Pash knew this for a fact, for when she had sat in the backseat of her parent's car, tired and overwhelmed from the night's events; she had been quick to check her cell phone for messages from Bliss, certain the girl would have been concerned about her and she would have several missed calls.

Nothing. No new messages, no missed voice calls. Nada. Nothing. Zilch.

And with that, the tears she had obstinately withheld began to fall angrily down her cheeks as Pash glared out the dark windows while the trees rushed past, on the quiet ride back home to Bodeen.

Yes, Pash was angry. And a smidgeon jealous. She hadn't wanted to admit that last part. She was falling in love with her best friend and had no one to talk to about it. The person she would normally go to was the very person she could absolutely could not discuss this with.

Pash sighed in frustration and began pacing the confines of her bedroom, allowing herself to be consumed with her thoughts. Bliss has this whole other life now; one which was both exciting and interesting, and Pash could see the pure joy in her whenever she was skating and it made her heart swell with so much love and pride for her. But it did leave her wondering just where she fit into the life of the recent "Babe Ruthless". Pash loved watching Bliss skate and she loved seeing her happy, and she liked the fact that she had a whole groups of friends that cared about her, and she could (sort of) tolerate Oliver. But for the first time in her long friendship with Bliss, she was uncertain just how she fit into Bliss' life.

Oh sure, they were best friends still – that wasn't going to change. But Bliss was absent, and distracted and Pash was slowly realising that her heart could only take so much; and although she was pretending she was angry at Bliss, in truth, she was hurt and thought that her poor, wanton heart could do with a healthy dose of absence from Bliss. In reality, Pash was finding this absence harder every day and was longing to just embrace her best friend, and tell her that she forgave her and loved her, and then just burrow her nose into her Bliss' hair and breathe her deep comforting scent of vanilla and worn leather, and then hold her. Hold her for a long, long time.

At this point, she'd give just about anything for that.

But she still didn't know quite what to do about the whole being-in-love-with-Bliss thing. She had never meant for it to happen, really. It had sort of just snuck up on her, and then gotten comfortable to the point where it had created a raging fire and placed slippered feet up on the coffee table. Pash had never asked for that. She didn't really want to ask her parents about, partially because, well, as if they'd know anything about it. But mostly because Pash knew they saw Bliss as a second daughter, and she didn't want to enter _that_ awkward conversation. But damn, if she didn't still want Bliss, and felt like if she didn't talk about it or do something, _anything,_ soon, her heart might just burst from her chest and she needn't mind about the SATs, or university, or going anywhere other than Bodeen, because that would be the end of Pash. But that wasn't the most disturbing part.

She found that the thoughts were getting stronger now and the fantasies more graphic. Bliss' hands across her back, her mouth warm against Pash's as Pash's hand glided across Bliss' thigh. She wanted it so much. But it made her feel extraordinarily guilty if she allowed herself to indulge in these fantasies; as if she had just committed some sort crime against her friendship with Bliss. Almost like her feelings had tainted it somehow. It was all very confusing, and Pash didn't know yet how to deal with it. So, for now, she was ignoring Bliss and pretending that this might make it go away; or at least, make her thoughts go away, and allow her to think of something other than how terrifically hot Bliss' mouth might feel against her skin.

_Nope, that's it_. Pash hurried out of her bedroom, _I need to get out of here. I need to get out of _here. She crashed out the front door ad inhaled the sweet, clean air that rushed into her lungs. She walked aimlessly along the pavement until she realized she was walking towards Bliss' house, at which point she decided to go to The Oink Joint and see if she could pick up an extra shift. Even talking to Birdman would be better than being left alone with her thoughts right now; or worse, running into Bliss and having to deal with an overwhelming urge to touch her.

Mind made up, Bliss turned and practically ran in the opposite direction of which she had just been walking.


	4. The Motions and Redemption

_That was odd_. Pash's mouth tasted strange. Not like her own. _What the hell was that? Now Birdman will think you like him or something_. Whatever. Pash didn't care. She had briefly kissed Birdman in some sort of desperate attempt to feel something after her angry, confusing confrontation with Bliss earlier that shift. He had looked at her with those sad, dejected eyes of his, and Pash had felt his sympathy for her and without thinking had launched her face into his. He had tasted like two-minute noodles and smelt like hair gel. She had felt his whiskery attempt at a moustache grate against her face, and that's all she had felt. He wasn't Bliss. So she pushed him away and continued sweeping the floors as if nothing had ever happened. Nothing may as well have happened, as far as Pash was concerned.

No one made Pash feel the way Bliss did. Even fighting with her had been more thrilling, made Pash feel more alive than any of the boys she had ever made out with. She had never done anything more, never had any _desire_ to do anything more, than merely kiss them. They made her feel empty, alone, even more so now that she realised Bliss had been on her mind every single time someone else's lips had been against hers.

And now even Bliss had made her feel empty. But empty felt better than feeling too much.

So Pash swept the floors, served two pickled-relish and onion burgers to a couple that came in, wiped down the bench, then clocked off. She moved through the motions, mildly aware that Birdman was watching her at some point, but she didn't pay any attention to him. Not out of malevolence, but purely because there wasn't any reason to. She turned on her car engine, put into The Coronas CD and drove home. There, she brushed her teeth, climbed into her bed, and switched off the light. She sighed and willed sleep to take her.

~xXx~

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry". Bliss' eyes glistened with tears and Pash's heart melted. She was already forgiven a long time ago. Pash could never truly stay mad at her, though she didn't feel Bliss needed to hear her explicitly state this.

"It's all right, just keep saying it." Pash's joke emitted a shaky, watery laugh from Bliss, which made Pash smile faintly. Even when Bliss was tired, vulnerable, upset, and above all, hurt; Pash was glad she could still make her laugh.

As Bliss told her what had happened, Pash gently cradled Bliss' hands between her own, meticulously stroking between her wrist and thumb in a form of comfort. She didn't like that Bliss had been hurt and wished she had been able to protect her. Neither of which she could change, so instead Pash would settle for comforting her. Something else had been eating away at Pash though – she had got into Columbia. "...New York" Bliss marvelled, smiling at Pash; the first genuine smile she had produced in a while. Pash smiled back and gently grazed the back of her hand across Bliss' cheeks, wiping the salt water away, as if she could just swipe away Bliss' hurt, just like that. Her other hand remained tenderly stroking Bliss' hand in her lap. Bliss' face registered a bit of shock that Pash had just done that, and although Pash felt as if she _should_ feel awkward, she didn't. It felt completely natural to her. She was just expressing her love.

Bliss' eyes held steady to her own, studying her face. Pash studied right back. The familiarity of Bliss' features: the gentle curve of her face; her dark brown, slightly unruly hair; the indentation near the corner of the right hand side of her mouth. And the way her bright green eyes, red from crying as they were, held Pash's gaze steady. Bliss was tear-streaked and sunken and rumpled and yet, all of it, all of her – it was, she was, "you're beautiful", Pash whispered. "I think you're beautiful".

Bliss' eyes held firm to Pash's, taking on board all of her truths and troubles and making them her own. Then, ever so gently, she nestled her head against Pash's collarbone, laying between her head and chest. Then, so quietly Pash wasn't sure if she imagined it, she was sure she heard Bliss murmur, "so are you".

They stayed like that for a long time. In the bathroom outside The Oink Joint, quietly resting against the wall, Bliss leaning into Pash for support and Pash's arms firm around her.


	5. Tasting Vanilla and Honey

"Bliss," Pash whispered, "Bliss, wake up. There's something I need to tell you".

She glanced at her bedside table. The glaring red letters on her alarm clock screamed 4:29AM. This was ridiculous; couldn't she wait until a decent time of day to confess her feelings to Bliss? No, she had to do this now, otherwise she might never be able to say it.

After their shift at work had ended, Pash and Bliss had gone to Pash's place, shut themselves in her bedroom and just hung out. It had been a while since they had done that, and Pash found herself relieved that nothing had changed between them. In fact, their friendship felt stronger than ever before. They had talked and laughed and built a cubby house composed of sheet linen tied to the base of her bed and desk. After dinner, the two girls had retreated to their fort, blankets creating a soft base on the ground where they lay. They had put music on in the background, talked and laughed until they were both exhausted, upon which they had both pleasantly drifted off to sleep.

Which is where Pash had woken at approximately 4:10 that morning, the air clouded in shadows, and her legs entangled with Bliss' in the small sanctuary they had created for themselves. Her breath was coming out in short, hot little puffs as she felt her heart beat erratically knowing that if she didn't tell Bliss the truth she might just go crazy. She needed to do this.

Her eyes studied Bliss in the half-light. She was lying on her side facing Pash, one hand curled up near her face, the other delicately sprawled near where Pash had been laying not so long ago. "Bliss..." Pash whispered, lightly running a hand up the arm that lay close to her. She felt Bliss' arm twitch beneath her hand and saw Bliss examining her from her place on the pillow. Sleep glazed Bliss' eyes, and when she stretched and sat up, she had a rivulet of pillow marks running across the right side of her face.

"Pash?" Bliss looked at her with concern and confusion, and gently ran a hand across Pash's curls. "What's wrong? Did something happen?"

"No, no, everything's fine. I just," Pash faltered, her deep brown eyes regarded the bright green she knew was there watchingat her so carefully now. "I just needed to tell you something. I, uh, I..."

Pash didn't know how to say it. Surely there was no good way to hear that your best friend had fallen in love with you? And the way Bliss was now regarding her; it made her feel so secure and loved that she didn't want to continue and lose that look. She'd just gotten Bliss back; she didn't want to screw that up.

"I just, I..." Pash paused, licked her dry lips and decided something. There was no way to just say it. She wanted Bliss to know everything. Heart hammering in her throat, Pash leant forward and pressed her lips to Bliss'. She moved one hand to lay against the brunette's cheek, while the other hand supported her weight against the ground. As soon as her lips touched Bliss', she felt her friend's body go rigid. "Shit," Pash thought, starting to pull away. But then, to her utmost surprise, Bliss began to kiss her back. Incoherent half-thoughts flickered through her mind, as she focused on Bliss' lips, and the adrenaline coursing through her body.

Pash broke the kiss, deciding the brief kcontact had been succinct in conveying her feelings. She moved her head back slightly and cautiously glanced up at Bliss' face. She didn't think she could be even more surprised than when Bliss had kissed back, but she was, once again, proven wrong when she saw the last emotion she would have expected to see on Bliss' features: _lust_. The air around them stood still as they both breathed hot air into the limited space between them. Pash's lips were slightly parted, and she was frozen, waiting to see what Bliss would do next. Bliss' eyes were locked onto hers before they moved downwards and she briskly launched herself forward to re-initiate the kiss.

_Woah_, was all Pash thought as Bliss' hands closed around her face, and her warm body rested on top of her, pinning Bliss against the blankets. _Now this, this is what kissing should feel like_.

Pash closed her eyes, feeling the weight of Bliss on her, electricity steaming from everywhere the brunette touched her. Bliss' lips were working softly against her and Pash sighed into her mouth before deepening the kiss and flipping them over so that Pash was on top of Bliss. Her hands were in Bliss' hair, and Bliss' hands were stroking down Pash's back as they kissed deeply, softly, intensely. _This is beautiful_, she thought, pulling back from Bliss to examine her face. Bliss gazed serenely at her, a smile playing around her eyes in the semi-light, causing Pash to lower her lips again to the other girl's to place a tender, chaste kiss on them. Then she rolled off Bliss and placed her arms resolutely around the other girl's body. Bliss snuggled her face into Pash's chest, and ankles entwined, facing each other, Pash felt her racing heart calm down until she was lulled into a deep, peaceful sleep, Bliss snug in her arms.

~xXx~

Something soft and wet brushed against Pash's face as she felt the dazed feeling of waking wash over her. _That's odd_, she frowned, _I don't own a dog_. Pash opened her eyes to find Bliss' emerald green eyes glinting cheekily at her, mere centimeters separating their faces.

"Oh," was all Pash managed to say as Bliss lowered her face to plant another warm kiss near Pash's ear. Pash smiled as the night's events came tumbling back to her; Bliss' mouth, her hands, her warmth. Almost as if reading her mind, Bliss started planting kisses along Pash's jaw line until she stretched upwards and placed her mouth firmly against Pash's. Her hands lay flat on the pillow either side of Pash's head, her body a gentle pressure against Pash's, and her knees either side of Pash's thighs. Pash responded instinctively to Bliss' touch and wrapped her hands around the other girl's neck, drawing her forward to deepen the kiss. Unlike the kiss late night (or earlier that morning, depending on how you thought about it), Pash felt like this one was cheekier somehow. It was more exploratory, less cautious, and the yearning was ringing through loud and clear from both her body and Bliss'. Pash felt Bliss' tongue glide smoothly across her lip, almost begging entry to her own mouth, to which she happily obliged. She felt Bliss' tongue move slickly across her own as Pash's hands felt down Bliss' body.

It was exhilarating; this freedom to just _touch_ Bliss like she had been longing to for so long. Her hands easily made their way under the fabric of Bliss' loose t-shirt and slid back up Bliss' back, admiring the curvature of her spine. As Pash's hands were gliding across Bliss' shoulder blades, she was startled to realize something; Bliss wasn't wearing a bra.

With this revelation, Pash suddenly halted the kiss, letting a small gasp be swallowed up by Bliss' mouth. Bliss tilted her face back and pushed up slightly on her hands. "Something wrong?" she asked, concern creasing across her forehead. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, of course not," Pash offered a reassuring smile, "everything Bliss is blissful". She cringed as the terrible pun escaped from her lips. Bliss looked at her in mild confusion for a millisecond longer before she softly snorted and lent her head down to kiss Pash's cheek. "In fact," Pash continued, her eyebrow rising suggestively of its own accord, "several hundred sleepovers with you, and that is the first time I've ever been woken like _that_. I think you were holding out on me _Babe Ruthless_". Pash finished the sentence with a smirk, her hands gently stroking the bare skin on Bliss' back as she stoutly held her gaze.

"Well, that was the first time you had ever kissed me like _that_, so I wonder just whom was holding out on who." Bliss finished the sentence with a suggestive waggle of eyebrows before glancing at the bedside clock. "8:09; you didn't want to get up yet, did you?"

"No, of course not," Pash was intensely aware of her hands inside the brunette's top and didn't want to move them just yet. "I'm not done kissing you". With that, she leant her head forward, dragging the brunette's lip into her mouth and sucking it. Simultaneously, she gently scraped one hand across Bliss' back whilst the other hand fumbled around Bliss' body till it slipped into the space between their bodies and she was cupping Bliss' breast in her hand.

_Fuck_, she thought as her heart slammed against her chest and she felt a deep pang between her legs. Bliss didn't seem immune to it either if the loud guttural noise she had just emitted into Pash's mouth was any indication. For all the years Pash had known Bliss, she had never heard her make _that_ noise before. Tenderly Pash began exploring the other girl's breast with her palm, stroking lightly until she found the hard nub that was Bliss' nipple.

_Woah_, she thought again as she broke the kiss to watch Bliss' face while she fingered the brunette's chest. She fleetingly wondered if she was doing it okay, but when she gently pinched the nub Bliss gasped with open surprise and she figured she must be doing something right.

Bliss' hands stalled, _what happens now?_ She voiced this thought aloud, uncertainty sneaking in for the first time since she had initially kissed Bliss. She had never gone this far before; never wanted to go this far before. She was acting on pure instinct, but wondered what this meant for her friendship with Bliss.

"I don't know, Love," Bliss smiled lovingly at her, "we have plenty of time to figure it out". With that, she maneuvered her body so it was she was lying next to Pash, one leg protectively curled up on Pash's thigh, her face snuggled into Pash's neck. Pash affectionately kissed Bliss' forehead and burrowed her nose into the brunette's hair, sighing into her familiar scent. Vanilla and honey were fast becoming her fragrance of choice. Her palm was still resting against Bliss' chest, but the brunette didn't seem to mind and neither did she.

They stayed like that; fully content, until their breathing was in sync and Bliss couldn't remember ever feeling so comfortable.


End file.
